Self Portrait

ME

 

 

This is a picture of myself. But it’s more than that. The look on my face is how I feel inside the majority of the time, yet the majority of the time you see me I will have some sort of smile or laugh across my face.

I just finished reading this book called Scary Close. You should read it, it will most likely wreck your world a bit. But in the best possible way. The author addresses our desire and attempt to always put on a show for people.. To act for people so that we receive love and acceptance. I do this all the time. I’ve done it my whole life. It’s not always a bad thing, but it’s not always genuine. And if I can drop this act and still be loved, that will be genuine.

All of my closest friends and family tell me it’s ok to be myself around them and that I can be like this and make this face even when I’m with them.. AND I believe it. But it’s an internal struggle for me. I know there will be times of joy and laughter and it can be genuine. But the fake stuff sucks. Next time you see me faking it call me on it, but in a gentle way. Letting this wall down can be hard, and tiring, I’ve been building it for most of my life. But it must come down a bit.

We will all love a bit better when we learn to accept our flaws, our messes and our pains. And when drop the act.

 

Below are some nuggets from Scary Close.

“those who can’t accept their imperfections can’t accept grace either”

“How can we be loved if we are always in hiding”

“what if part of God’s message to the world was you? The true and real you?”

“honesty is the soil intimacy grows in.”

Self Portrait

22/52

A photo of our family once a week, every week, in 2014

Well I missed quite a few weekly photos. Once you skip a one, its so easy to skip more. But I’m back! I’m sure I’ll miss more along the way, but I’m not ready to give up yet.

This week, the photos are all of M, because she is the cutest and she is the only thing I take pictures of.

 

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picture 1: My first time styling her hair in puffs, and I love it.

picture 2: looking beautiful while being hypnotized by Frozen.

picture 3: her mini mouse silhouette at the beach yesterday.

22/52

11/52

A photo of our family, once a week, every week, in 2014″ 

 

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This week has been a tiring one. We have all had our turn with the nasty cold thats going around. Poor M has been miserable fighting the cold and two teeth that are coming through. All I can say is I am exhausted. Every Mother will understand exactly what I mean. I’ve been in the same clothes all week and my hair is begging me to wash it. And when Casey came home from work today I told him I needed five minutes alone. So I went in our bedroom, I covered my head with a pillow and took a hundred deep breaths. It helped…a little.

One of our favorite things to do every night before bedtime is a dance party. We turn the music up real loud and we dance the day away. M loves it, every time we say “music time” she runs to the stereo and starts dancing before she even hears the first beat.

 

Hope: I’ve had a toddler glued to me all week. Even though things don’t get done and the house is a mess, I do enjoy every snuggle and hug.

M: she’s even beautiful when she doesn’t feel good. 

Casey: Teaching M his dance moves during our nightly dance party. and yes he is wearing her fox mask. 

Diesel: he just thinks we’re all crazy. 

11/52

7/52

“A photo of our family, once a week, every week in 2014”

I cheated this week, I am only posting pictures of M, simply because no pictures of us were taken this week. We became busy and time escaped us. The quiet moments we did have, we enjoyed. No phones or camera, just each other, a scrabble board and the Olympics playing in the background.

Here is what M has been up to this week…

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photo 1: she has begun climbing…on everything. I just had to snap this pic..right before I took her down.

photo 2: helping me water the plants, she loves water, and wants it all over her, all the time.

photo 3: she and diesel love to sit and look out the window together. best friends.

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