How do we handle death? We Don’t.
We ignore it.
We run from it.
We try and prevent it.
We fear it.
We hate it.
Death will most likely find us all. Even those of us who have the promise of eternity, death is still waiting for us. I am confident that death is the most difficult thing that we will face in our life.
My mind has been filled with these thoughts lately. Good Friday is almost here and i feel more acquainted with this day than ever. Mary watched her Son die, James watched his brother die, the disciples watched their master and Lord die. I watched my love die just over 4 months ago. Ben Gibbard wrote the line “love is watching someone die” in the song “What Sarah Said”. I wish more than ever that i did not have to watch her die, but i am also very thankful that i got to be the last face see saw before stepping into eternity and seeing Jesus, her master, and her creator. I have a sense of what those that loved and watched Jesus die were feeling. They felt fear and hate and i’m sure they wanted to run from it, ignore it, act like it didn’t happen, yet you replay it over and over in your mind to see if it was real. They had his promise that He would return again in the coming days. I have the promise that i will see her once again in heaven.. when all things are made new and right. I do not know when that day will be, but i yearn for it.
We used to listen to the DCFC song “what sarah said” and just stare at each other, long, paused moments. Much of the song talks about watching someone die in a hospital room. We were used to hospital rooms, they were a bitter sweet reality in our lives. We would spend hours watching lame TV shows and talking about our dreams and plans, talk about each doctor or nurse that came in and roll our eyes and their sometimes ridiculous questions or poorly placed jokes. I think we both thought she might pass away in a hospital room, surrounded by machines and doctors. Instead, she passed away in my arms, in our bed, in a home we loved and just moments after we had told each other how much we loved each other. I knew that some day i might be the one to watch her die, but i never wanted to fully believe it. I wanted to run from it, ignore it, hate it, fear it, prevent it. But i could not, and she could not.
Death is coming for us all. Don’t waste the precious life that He has given us here. Live a full life of love and scrape up as much Joy as you can. Life here is hard and painful but there are moments of joy, glimpses of how things are supposed to be, find those and hold them close. Never lose Hope.